he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
