I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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