I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
