i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
