well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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