some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
