I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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