he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
