He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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