woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I love you. Go after that dick
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
