do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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