Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
