P.S. I can't hear my feet
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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