He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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