i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
