He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Randomize
