Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
