tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
