Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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