The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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