The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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