I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
