dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
