Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
