yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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