Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
