When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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