this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize