Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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