I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
