i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
