I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
