you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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