He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
