i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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