Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself