I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...