I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.