There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad