The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.