She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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