In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
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You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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