Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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