took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
