and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
