I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
