so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
