We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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