and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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