If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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