I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
