i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
