How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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