Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
