WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
