Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
