Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
