well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
