I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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