the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
