I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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