Duck Duck Cougar?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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