I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
