A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.