Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.