Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.