if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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